Suami drove Amzar to Nilai to catch his first day of class. The ladies (Kak Erah & her infamous M-blogger) went off the house to their gathering earlier than me & Aiman because they were going all the way to Shah Alam.
After sending Aiman I went to Abang Em's house, but surprise... surprise Kak Hana was home. It seemed Nizam, Abang Halim & Kak Zainab wanted to visit T.Mak. So, she didn't think it would be fair for me in my current condition be playing host. I had to say that I agreed.
So... here I was at another difficult part that I had to go through. Facing my mother for the first time with my situation.
She was at the table having breakfast.
She looked at me & she could not hide her maternal instinct of feeling so bad-sad for what had happened to me, her daughter.
T.Mak always have things together in front of us when it comes to buffering whatever bad things that besieged us, her 9 children!
Being a mother myself, I understand how we mothers have to put up with these sorts of fronts.
However, in her condition of being a stroke patient (since late 2007), she could not play her part well.
She was so sad & I could see tears in her eyes.
And I was so sad that my condition was causing her this raw pain that was written all over her face.
To be honest, for the first time ever since 23 May... I felt like crying.
She asked simply, "Apa mulanya? Demam?" & she mentioned something about it being termed as balawa'(berlawa?) in Banjar.
Mentioned about mesti urut.
I hugged & kissed her... then, told her that I was ok.
I tried to change the subject & I suceeded a bit, i.e. she forgot about it for a while.
Then, she noticed the face again & she was hurt all over again.
The stroke had caused T.Mak not to be able to make generally any new memories, at all.
She had one of those rare cases that her stroke specifically hit the area to convert new info as memory!
It means that she could 'learn' new information but it didn't get stored.
So, it also means that every experience is a new thing to her, i.e. she didn't get desensitize by previous info on a situation.
Thus, if it is a hurtful experience -- it would be 'first cut' for her each time!
Luckily, *Kak Ha & Abang Zul also came to take away some of T.Mak's attention to other matters.
(*Kak Ha passed shbt Azizan's salam & doa to me. TQ, InsyaAllah doa dimakbulkan)
Back to T.Mak & her reaction to my Bell's Palsy... it seemed she did discussed more about it with Kak Ha, because before Kak Ha left she told me that T.Mak said, I should go for urut.
When Kak Ha & Abang Zul left, T.Mak was looking at me with that sad look again.
Oh God... this is difficult.
When she went into the room to take a nap, I took a nap on the sofa at the living room.
Escapism!
I was at the place till Nizam & parents came. By then, T.Mak's attention was fully focused on making sure the visitors were well taken care of.
Since they had the experience with Mak Aji (eldest sister of T.Mak. My mother is the youngest amongst her siblings), they understood her insistence that they had not tambah their makanan, etc.
Situations that had happened but T.Mak had no re-collections of the matter.
The late Mak Aji was diagnosed as having Alzheimer's Disease (another neuro disease!). Although T.Mak does not have Alzheimer's Disease, some of the symptoms due to her *stroke are rather similar.
(*To divert a bit... teaching the course Diseases of the Nervous System last semester was emotionally difficult for me. T.Mak was with me until the last day of the semester. There were times I felt like crying & I had to keep my emotion checked when the matter being discussed / lectured was very much about what my mother was going through. In fact, I thought if only the students could meet T.Mak, then they would appreciate the subject better, etc.)
By the time the visitors left, Suami had called to inform that we couldn't go to TS Hospital on Saturday because it would be closed due to Agong's birthday. I have an appointment at UMMC on Friday afternoon, thus, I would have to go for my second session today & have it delayed till next week.
Aiman was already sent by Pak Mat Des & had his lunch. So, we drove home & waited for Amzar to turn up before asking Pak Mat Des to send us to TS Hospital.
At this visit, I was not asked to go to the consultation room anymore, but straight to the treatment room.
The doctor saw me there: took my pulse & asked me to stick out my tounge.
I really should ask him why I had to do the latter.
Again... the needles on the right foot, right arm & right face!
So, this time Amzar helped Aiman counted the needles... still 21 but now there was 1 needle put on my left forehead.
During the first session the needles were only on my right face.
I felt as if the focus this time, based on the tingling feel, was on the area near the cheek?
Oh yes, for the follow up session the charge was $22 :)
Once done, Pak Mat Des drove us straight back. We did stop at Yasin Restaurant, all around... mee mamak & ice lemon tea.
We took home some mee mamak to lapik perut Suami before we go for Maghrib at the nearby mosque. We joined other individuals who also had requests / hajat with the Majlis Baca Yasin Khamis malam Jumaat.
Only then I thought of sending sms to the 2 boys in NeuroRG & shbt Halim. Agak lambat.
Before going I also insisted that T.Ayah's name was not to be mentioned; suffice that I would be isteri to Suami.
However, Suami had already given my full name to the Imam a few days ago.
When we arrived at the mosque, I happened to met shbt Pak Kob (mantan top management team). So, showed him the face.
Later, I didn't join the dinner downstairs at the hall, itself, but stayed on at the prayer area.
I wasn't sure that I would be up to making conversations. As one of the hosts, the kenduri food was packed for us to take home.
It seemed Abang Em managed to be at the mosque for Isya'.
Suami told me later, when he changed the details on me, the Ustaz who lead the prayer introduced himself as someone who had studied in Al-Ulum & of course knew T.Ayah.
Deep down I was glad.
Muga diperkenankan doa-doa hamba Mu, Ya ALLAH.
I ate the packed food with Kak Erah & her infamous blogger friend. Discussed a bit on results for the day & the calons for the bigger posts of their gathering.
We also decided also that the next time I met T.Mak, I would just say that my face was stung by the bee :)
******************************************
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qNx7ggPTLc&feature=related
******************************************
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Y5GpYQSpVQ&feature=related
*****************************************
No comments:
Post a Comment