Sunday, October 16, 2011

TQ Ms W

16 October 2011

Dear Ms W,
I stumbled into this e mail of yours only today !
Yes, more than 1 year later....
I'm hoping to clean up my act a bit (which includes spring cleaning my e mails)... the energy is there & I'm about 90% back to my normal self, I think.
Anyway, TQ for dropping me a note !

=============================================

Salam hormat,
DSHA

*when life gives you lemon... make lemonade*
=============================================

Quoting fw on Fri, 26 Mar 2010 02:40:22 -0700 (PDT):

Dear Dr D,

I happen to stumble upon your blog When life gives you lemon...make lemonade: Bell's
palsy(http://dsha-bellspalsy.blogspot.com/) while i was searching for latest information on the 15th ICOT in Belfast.

I love what you have been doing with your research on neurobiology. I'm also very much interested in that aspect to pair them with many other leads especially in education and handedness. But only as a hobby and quest for knowledge and deeper understanding of that 3 pounds mass of neurons inside us. Looking forward to see more new and exciting posts from you.

Have a low "cortisol" weekend :)

Regards,

Ms W
MML, DMMP
FMHS, IPTA

Saturday, May 28, 2011

It has been 2 years

28 May 2011

Alhamdulillah, 23 May 2011 (Monday), early this week marked the 2nd year of my life as someone who have experienced:
- a full blown Bell's Palsy on my right side of face
- the side effects of the overdose of steroid which was supposed to handle the inflammation of the Bell's Palsy

If I take a moment & go over events... it has actually been a looong 2 years but, InsyaAllah, I think the one single factor that enabled me to go through it all is my ability to be emotionally cut off above it all.

As I normally tell others:
= When life gives you lemon... make lemonade
= Quickly deal with situation then just move on.
= "Barang yang lepas jangan dikenang"

However, it is only now that I dare put up my photos (well, the least gory ones) up front for all to see.
Putting them up on the FB accounts is psychologically for me something that I need to do to deal with some of the unfinished business that still remains.
I only can put them up now since I know that currently I look rather normal (for those who don't know me they wouldn't have guess what I had gone through)... & so I will not be inviting "sympathies/ kesian/ etc"

I also want to tell others, that if I can do it... then they can also do so.
With perseverance, usaha, support & doas, anything can be achieved, InsyaAllah.
One chooses to do it OR not to do it.
Leave the self-pity, etc & all those that will pull you down behind.
I am NOT just talking about Bell's Palsy but everything else in life.

Sometimes I thought to myself, "You're acting up too well & too convincing girl. Now these people really thought that you're OK. Yes, you don't want them to sympathize your situation BUT neither do you want them to think that you're SO healthy that they can start lumping things onto you. You know that literally you feel that you can just drop dead playing I SHOULD HELP"

When I looked back... a few poignant weak moments:
= my mother, a stroke victim herself, had tears in her eyes when looking at my face a week after I had the Bell's Palsy
= fear of sleeping... for fear of not knowing what could happen while sleeping
= fell while walking near the Chemistry staircase to the parking lot just because I stumbled on a small stone
= feeling that the porch of my parking space was too far a distance to walk to
= just falling asleep on the couch while the boisterous PP family members were around me
= tears in eyes of people I know...

Anyway, life is wonderful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7l74d1fmZbw&feature=related

Sunday, November 21, 2010

20 NOVEMBER 1988

Happy Anniversary.
Alhamdulillah, syukur for all the blessings in life.
Muga terus dirahmati dengan semua yang baik-baik untuk dunia & akhirat, InsyaAllah.

Exam - Results, Decisions Based On Results & Processing Time


Exam results of both UPSR & PSRA are out.
In dilemma again.
(Conflicting views received but mostly NOT like mine... )

Almost similar options way back in 2001 were in front of us (ME?) again.
Kisah last day in Masjid Nabawi.
With a lot of guilt, said "NO" to it then.
Now?
Almost like the same selfishness is the main basis.
I really have to ensure that she will NOT neglect her other interest.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

OTHER CASES

Azira Has Bell's Palsy Syndrome, Says HTF Director
http://www.bernama.com/bernama/v3/news_lite.php?id=510239

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Sunday, February 21, 2010

19 FEBRUARY 2010

Today is a special day.
My husband went to Nilai to pick up my eldest son after he finished his last paper.
Time flies.
I remembered that it was a day before he went to register for his matriculation program that I got my Bell's Palsy.
My current status:

a) Facial paralysis is hardly noticeable, except for upper right corner lip which still cannot be pulled up & my right eye which at times would not open up as big as the left side.
I really should go back to the physiotherapy and/or the acupuncture.

b) My energy level has progressively gone up but it certainly is not what it used to be.
In the morning I basically have to figure out what I would be doing for the rest of the day. Based on that I would arrange my physical activities, e.g. where I park my car.
Thursdays with lecture in the morning & a practical session in the whole afternoon will'knock me out'.
So, for the time being "NO TQ" to all those offers :)

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

FEBRUARY 2010


1 Feb: First time celebrating b'day of hubby after my Bell's Palsy episode. I don't have as much energy to window-shop, etc. Told the boys they have to take care of the gifts.
When we celebrated it on Sunday (31 Jan 2010) we told him other than the card & Aiman's gift of Liverpool's mug we didn't get him anything else... too busy getting Aiman's matters settled.
Maghrib time (Ahad malam Isnin), after solat jemaah & a Yasin reading-doa since Aiman is leaving for Sek Men Sains Seremban (SASER) tomorrow we sprung the surprise of the gifts on him!
I was so sebak... but I have to be strong.
After Bell's palsy, I get worked up emotionally very-very easily & thus, my BP can easily go up unnecessarily...

2 Feb: I was up till 1 am organizing-packing Aiman's stuff. Not easy letting my baby go.
We planned to leave house at 7am... but we only managed to leave at 8.30am. Itu pun after going in & out of house a couple of times. Last one was when Aiman had to go back into the house to get his school bag!

19 Feb: Finally went to do a blood test that I should have done sometime in July 2009!
Was forced to see a doctor & after making the appointment for the review of the blood test.
The young lady doctor increased my Myarcardis to 80mg/day (up from 40mg/day) & warned me not to mix it with Atacand... as I've done in the past.
Spent the time waiting to send sms... Hmm, lead to a sahabat thinking that I was 'attacking'.

JANUARY 2010

January 13: Caught a Fire Fly flight to Kota Baru for the 2nd International Conference on the Medicinal Use of Honey (Honey:Agent for Sustainable Health). The conference was held in Renaissance Hotel (13-15 Jan 2010). Ayunie picked me up from the airport & sent me to the hotel. For a teacher it is nice to realize that one's students have gone further in life.
Co-authors of posters: Aishah-Wahida & Mui Koon also attended the conference :)
Even though I went back the next day, I came out of the conference thinking to myself that maybe I should have taken honey more than what I have been doing...

DECEMBER 2009

NOVEMBER 2009

OCTOBER 2009

SEPTEMBER 2009

Saturday, August 22, 2009

BP91: 21 OGOS 2009

It's already end of the week & I didn't achieve as much as I want to :(

Alhamdulillah that I woke up at 4am.
After performing the necessities, stayed up to prepare for the visit to SKR & UPSPD.
Strong presence of ladies in the management & I think they have 'high expectations' that I 'll be a difficult visitor.
Ha... ha... ha... MOK CIK find it difficult to muster enough energy to be in attendance... nak tanya soalan-soalan cepu emas...
Naaaah...


Was also rushing to get Mieza's, Joan-Soke Chee's & Bibi-Md Noor's extended abstracts edited.
Gave an opportunity for the senior grad student to cancel off his appointment.
Of course he took it.
Adoi... here we go again.

Dropped Bibi off at LRT station on the way home.

Selisih with Pak Mat & reminded myself to give him tamar, etc sometime next week.
Then, selisih with a silver Mercedes that flashed at me. Sorrylah Boss if I got into your lane.
I'm actually functioning with only my left eye!
Hope I can take time to the eye institute next week with Durrah & Aiman so that all of us could check our eyes. I also have my follow up with Dr Linda.

When I arrived home, Aiman rushed out to tell me that I just missed my anak susu (Hanan) with her parents. OOOooo, it was them flashing "HI-HELLO-ASSALAMUALAIKUM..." just now!

Kak Ha was at the table with T.Mak. Her left eye was covered with a see through plastic cover. She had a surgery to remove cataract & put in lens (???)

BP90: 20 OGOS 2009

Amzari would be doing his candidature defence in IPS.
I was quite certain he would get through but I wished that he put in more effort.
He rehearsed & the group gave our input on Tuesday morning.

Took a ride from Mui Koon. Got to sit in front while the other 4 girls had to squeeze at the back.
One of the various perks of being a supervisor!

I had prepared Amzari mentally just in case he got 'difficult personalities grilling him'.
Well, instead of that happening... I was the one in position to do what I feared for Amzari.
Ironic...

BP89 : 19 OGOS 2009 - RABU

Took leave with the intention of sending Pak Pozi to KLIA. He's going for umrah with Pak Umar.
We are all so happy for him.
We also feel envious that he gets to spend a part of Ramadhan in Mekah!
Lucky guy!

Due to the some technicalities... I didn't go. Instead stayed home & do some work at home in the morning.

Went to treat ourselves at TS with Saadah.
Head-shoulder massage.
Then, we joined the very small group being tutored by ProfH on e-learning/moodle.
A long way before I could master the whole thing.

Not that I want it to be a doa... but I think I became slow a bit after the Bell's Palsy episode... most likely due to prednisolone :(

BP88 : 18 OGOS 2009 - SELASA

Monday, August 17, 2009

BP87 - 17 OGOS 2009 : ISNIN


MONDAY... yet, no class. Yeay!
Today is the 1st day of the semester break.
I have been having class everyday. In addition, on Thursdays & Fridays there are also practical sessions in the afternoon!
Even in those days when my body system was normal... those 2 days are tiring days! What more now!
Alhamdulillah, I'm getting stronger by the day... but rather slowly & some days are still rather bad.
In additional to the "can't do much at home now", my feet will bengkak at the end of each day, more so on Thursdays & Fridays.
The doctors said that I don't have to worry about it... it's the effect of prednisolone.
So, now almost everything that is not normal with myself is either due to the side effect of prednisolone and/or my body is still adjusting to the prednisolone slowly going out of my body.
Hmmm... ye ke?

This morning (straight after sending Durrah to her sekolah ugama) was the first time I drove myself to UMMC & parked at the scary parking place.
Since I didn't have to rush back for class, I thought I should use the opportunity to get back my confidence.
Since last night I was deliberating whether to drive my small BFX or the big NAZA.
I went with NAZA because I felt more confident driving it.
I need everything to boost my confidence level.
If a person can survive this parking place, I think it's quite OK to give him/her a driving license without taking a driving test!
He.. he... he... marah pulak orang baca ni!
I had to go through the 'harrowing tunnels of each level to reach the 4th floor where I finallty found a spot.
I went out of the car & walked rather unsteadily to the Physiotherapy Unit.
Part of me felt like I just want to drop & lie down for a while.

I realized that my appointment was actually for 3pm but I was hoping that I would be given a chance to do the session in the morning.
Yes, they allowed me BUT of course with the warning that I should't do it in the future :)
This time the focus was on my upper & lower lips.

When I was done I went up to the clinic area that would be occupied by MediNeuro on Tuesday morning & Friday afternoon.
I had missed the appointment on 31 July (Friday) due to my Neuro practical session. The lady at the *JANJITEMU counter gave me 1 September 2009! Lamanya lagi!
(*"JANJITEMU" was being used rather than "temujanji", the term that was often used. But, if you think about it... probably "JANJITEMU" is correct. One has to berjanji before bertemu seperti yang dijanjikan))

The whole time I was in UMMC, the group was hard at work doing gotong royong. We had 2 additional members -- Amiruddin & Khairuddin.

Actually, for quite sometime I've felt very disturbed with the environment in the room... so crammed & cluttered!
However, when I came to the office with KFC lunch (as I had promised them), the room looked so nice ;)
Now, to make them maintain the place as is... Not too tough a job, I hope.
I even got them to help re-arranged the small room.

Oh yes, apart from being happy in seeing the place turned so cheery, I was scared to see the few full plastic bags put outside the door...
Aiyaa... did they throw away a lot of stuff with sentimental values to ME?
You can't win them all!

While I re-arranged my stuff a bit, I did find a box which MdNoor had refer to "Kotak Penuh Memori".
Indeed, he's right. I asked him to take a picture of it. He took 5!!

It was a box used by my PhD supervisor to send me a book WAY after I had left NEOUCOM.
He took his time in expressing his happiness that I completed my studies... probably due to the fact that I left WITHOUT his blessings, i.e. he wanted me to do post-docs & still be in charge of the lab (as I did for many years).

My flight was on 31st August & on 30th August, I still found a note with "CANCEL YOUR FLIGHT" on my office door.
Where did he think I was going? New York? Miami? San Francisco?
For goodness sake, I had even received my deposit back from my landlord!

It was really unfortunate that the end part of my full of happy memories study-stay in Rootstown was a very-very-very unhappy occasion :(
Everyone, in that small-one hallway department, was somewhat involved in my predicament.
Pascal & wife were kind enough to put me up for a night before my flight & they also drove me to the airport.

Of course anyone would be sad to leave a place where one spent so much of one's time & matured to adulthood in one's thinking, etc.
BUT, I was doing it with so much sadness & anger that I was put in a situation not to be able to enjoy saying my goodbyes.

Oh well... live & learn.

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BP86 - 16 OGOS 2009 : AHAD

BP85 - 15 OGOS 2009 : SABTU